I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
