I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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