I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So here I am, sexting at work.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
