It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
