There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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