my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize