This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
