Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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