I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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