I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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