the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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