one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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