Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm at about main and main street
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
