Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
