you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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