No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
