rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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