i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
