I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
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He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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