this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
