I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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