listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
