I faked an abortion last night.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
