He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
