I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
