i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
