Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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