we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
