THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
