And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
