I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
