Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
