At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
this hospital has no fireball
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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