Whod you bang
My Higher Power is John Stamos
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
