sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Two words: blizzard sex
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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