I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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