Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
