we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
