the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
