I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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