I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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