Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Say something about gay babies.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My dad is sitting where you rode me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
