You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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