My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
