how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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