Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
