I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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