Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
