god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
