I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You were trust falling into bushes
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
