Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
