pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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