Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
