I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
