Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
