Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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