Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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