Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize