he wants to bone in the snuggie
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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