How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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