this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
