She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
