we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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