EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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