Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
