my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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