Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
