i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
