Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
