Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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